Tag: greiving

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Self Love and Relationships

The Silent Strength: A Tribute to the Powerful yet Tender Bond Between Fathers and Daughters

“No one in this world can love a girl more than her father.”

Michael Ratnadeepak

The function of father originates with God, our heavenly father, and is a divine role and calling, according to the Bible. It is possible to become like God and to love and care for children in the same ways that God loves and cares for us by being a father, stepfather, grandfather, or foster father.

One of the strongest relationships in life is undoubtedly the one between a father and daughter. I can attest to this firsthand since even though my father is not physically here in my life, I feel his presence all the time. My father and I had a close relationship, and that relationship undoubtedly laid the groundwork for how I should be treated in other relationships as well as what I should anticipate and endure. If a lady has the chance to develop a relationship with her father, that will ultimately be her first and greatest love. I have always known that my father is intelligent, but I was unaware of the impact his knowledge or guidance would have on the rest of my life. It was said to me from an early age that I was an old spirit in a youthful body, and I think my father was too. A young woman’s conception of herself and her body can be set up by her father. When their fathers are present and kind toward them, young girls learn to perceive themselves favorably. Dads who unconditionally love and support their daughters are more likely to see their daughters develop positive body images.

“A daughter is a treasure and a cause of sleeplessness.”

Ben Sirach

It’s strange that I’m spending my first Father’s Day without my dad. A few weeks earlier, there seemed to be a gap. Normally, I would be discussing our plans for him this year with my mother. The only people who truly understand how empty and alone I feel are my mother and other people who have also lost a parent. It appears as though the entire strong foundation that my parents and I built has become unstable. I don’t know much anymore, besides living is hard because death is simple. There is so much I wanted to do for him and with him that I feel as though my purpose is in doubt right now. My father joked that he would teach my kids history and French when he became a grandfather, but this can no longer happen because he passed away. I won’t be able to call him merely to hear him laugh and get the guidance I require in any given circumstance. “You’re so beautiful and smart,” came after the tender hugs and kisses. No more fantasies of my father escorting me down the aisle and giving me away to a man he trusted. As I watch others live out their dreams, it’s difficult for me to accept that mine will never come true.

“Fathers, be good to your daughters. You are the god and the weight of her world.”

 John Mayor

Since my dad passed away, I’ve been doubting everything about myself. What do I actually want out of life right now? How am I supposed to pick myself up and move on without him? No one is aware of an answer besides that “it takes time”. The only appropriate response in this kind of anguish would be time. The most valuable resource on Earth is time. I believe it is only proper to make the most of the present and live life in his honor. Even though I mourn him terribly, I am incredibly grateful for the many wonderful memories I have of my father. Being his daughter and even having his name is an honor, and I’m proud of my father. 

My father and I had a number of chats before he went. Do you believe you have lived your life to the fullest? I questioned. What impression do you believe you’ll make on others, he replied, “Yes, I did. I never treated anyone differently no matter what room I was in”, according to my father. The memorial service for my father made it clear to me that he had an impact on not only myself but also everyone he came into contact with. His heart was as pure as it was possible to be, and his soul was as sweet as a sugar cane. I wonder when I will feel okay and my heart will feel whole once more. 

My father is the source of my knowledge and compassion. I would have given my life for the chance to feel his love again . Until we meet again I sincerely love and miss you, Papa, Happy Father’s Day. 

Check out this amazing song to listen today by John Mayer!

Categories
Self Love and Relationships

My Hero Left Me and Became My Angel

On November 29, 2022 My life took a turn for the worst when I walked into my parents’ room following my usual routine and realized something was off about my father. He seemed to be asleep, but I soon realized his chest had no movement. Automatically, my heart sank to my gut, and I knew something was wrong. I felt for a pulse and felt nothing; once I called the hospice nurse, she came and pronounced my father dead.

In July, after rounds of radiation and then chemo, my father’s cancer cells were still producing and increasing. Once cancer spreads to one’s bones, it gets difficult to decrease the spread and kill the bad cells. My father decided that he did not want to continue chemo or try the next experimental drug. I’ll never forget the day he told my mother and I this, and our initial response was to push him and say “You got this; we will try whatever it takes”. My dad looked at my mother and me and said “I’m tired of trying”. Once I heard this, I knew my reality was going to change into something I had never imagined. At first we were frustrated and sad he was giving up, but we had to take a step back and ask, “Is Daddy living for us or himself”? The realization that no matter what, my father’s life is his—not mine or my mom’s—it’s his choice on how it goes. However he wants it to end should be respected because, at the end of the day, we are not the ones sick. I am not the one suffering or going through what my dad is. This was the start of trying to let go and preparing my dad for his transition to the afterlife.

“No other love in the world is like the love of a father has for his little girl.” – …

Now that we’ve stopped chemo, I’ve seen my father’s pain increasing, his appetite decreasing, and his body slowly shutting down. The cancer doctor had recommended that if it got to the point where there was nothing to do, he at least consider hospice as an option so he could at least be comfortable until the end. I can say that to this day, I am happy that I pushed it for my dad. He was very grateful for me even having the meeting; once they came to our home and answered all our questions, we knew right then that this was the best decision. Within months on hospice, while the cancer was spreading to the bones, the tumor in my dad’s brain began to cause bleeding, which affected his vision. My father went blind about a month before he died. I can remember the day he told me and the emotions that occurred. I could tell my dad was scared; he hated that he couldn’t see. This was the sign that let him know he was nearing the end. My love for my father is unconditional. I reassured him that it was okay because God created me for him; I’ll be his eyes, ears, or whatever he needs; I am at his service. My dad hugged me and told me, “I’m grateful to have a loving daughter like you; your compassion and empathy will always have you far and blessed in life”.

I can’t explain the strength I needed to come home every day knowing that my father was preparing for the next chapter of life. Every day I made sure to walk into my home and be or do whatever my dad needed. I am at peace knowing that every step of the way, my dad felt love and comfort from me. I’m happy I never broke down in front of him, and I’m happy God gave me the strength to be the best caretaker and daughter I could be for him. Although we knew it was going to come, you can never really prepare for death. I’ve told everyone around me that sitting in the pews at a funeral vs. the front row is a completely different experience. The day my dad died, I died as well. The woman I am today is completely different from what people know. My whole view on life, love, finances, etc. has changed, and I’d honestly say for the better. I am my father’s daughter, and his morals, values, and love are forever embedded in me and my mother. This taught me that life is uncontrollable, and the only control I have over it is mine. Once I learned this, I had to let go of everything out of my control and trust God.

“A daughter may outgrow your lap but she’ll never outgrow your heart.”

Sometimes God has plans that we don’t understand or agree with. The only thing we can do is be obedient and trust that everything is for a better purpose. I can’t tell you why my dad was taken from me at the age of 24, but all I can do is heal, love the people who are here for me, and now live my life to represent my dad. Today is the first birthday without him here, and I miss him so much that, as I write this, I am crying. I am sad, but I know I will eventually be okay. Time heals all wounds, but that doesn’t mean I will not have this pain forever. As humans, we learn to bear with pain, so we are able to move on and continue living until it is our time. I believe in the afterlife, and I feel and know my dad is everywhere with me. A bond so unique and special is once in a lifetime, and I’m honored to say Edwin Whittaker was my father. He left an impact on so many lives, and with a heart and humor like his, it doesn’t die. I will make sure to continue the Whittaker legacy and honor my father in ways he would love. I love you, dad; happy 63rd birthday! I hope heaven is good and you’re happy with Grandma. I know I’m heartbroken now, but I will make sure this doesn’t break me but makes me stronger.

“Dad: a daughter’s first love.” 

I love you to eternity and back. Yours always, Dre